So I finally got around to seeing Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.
It was definitely a movie. it certainly exists in that form. And it does a great job… existing.
If that response comes off as an extremely generic one, I apologize – but that’s the reaction I had. I was entertained… somewhat… by the visuals and the last 45 minutes definitely threw a lot of stuff at the audience. Whatever the movie cost (probably more than the GDP of Guatemala) it certainly wasn’t spent on catering or luxurious trailers. The money is there, on the screen. I gasped at a couple of shots, I’ll admit.
But, kinetic energy aside, the movie is… just… meh. I didn’t hate it (that reaction was reserved for the second film, which is an abomination against all right-minded and free people) and didn’t love it, flaws and all (which was my reaction to the first film – sorry, I’m a Transformers fanboy). I just… didn’t care.
There’s a tactic in screenwriting and movies called “raising the stakes”, when you ratchet up the threat to the protagonist – it’s a by-the-books approach that when used well really really works (Best example in my opinion: Die Hard). This movie “raises the stakes” in such a way that, well, the sheetrock that covers the screenplay falls off and the framework of rotten wood is clearly visible. And I won’t even mention the number of times that Shia Labeouf’s character is about to die when, OUT OF NOWHERE, someone comes to save him. I think it was 4 times… I lost count.
I could spend some more words describing the plot and the details of Transformers 3, but why bother? My reaction is muddled indifference. If you like the movie, good, I’m glad you had an entertaining experience. If you hate it, nothing I can write will feed your anger.
Like the fourth Indiana Jones and many other sequels/remakes/sequels/retreads before it, this movie is an unambitious product of a studio system afraid to take chances and create new, interesting (and financially risky) films. This is what happens when multinational corporations play it safe, and the only anger I can muster against it is that so many other better films could have been made for the 40 quadrillion dollars that Transformer 3 cost.
Sigh.