Marjoe Gortner! Caroline Munro! David Hasselhoff! It’s a cavalcade of stars!
OK, so it’s not an academy award-winning cast… or even close.
These… exceptional performers are the featured players in Starcrash, a 1978 sci-fi film produced in Italy. Clearly intended to cash in on the success of another movie released the previous year that also has “Star” in its title, the film is… umm… well, it defies the easy description. It’s almost like it creates its own genre that has only one film. Starcrash is… well, it’s Starcrash.
I frequently criticize people who say that you should just “shut your brain off” and enjoy a summer blockbuster. But this movie not only insists you disable those higher cognitive functions, it demands it. My gosh, what a paper-thin plot. Actually, let me correct myself… there’s no real plot, just a collection of set-pieces and scenes that move the characters from place to place until a resolution is met.
This movie stars actors, features sets and costumes, but… it’s a cartoon. (note I didn’t say “animated film”) It’s as much of a cartoon as Heavy Metal and G.I.Joe, and just as two-dimensional.
There are some really highlights, though… the score by John Barry is up to his usual (impressive) standards, and Caroline Munro knows how to fill a spandex spacesuit in ways that most women only dare to attempt. The sets are quite impressive, with a real sense of place and space. Some fun stop-motion animation is prominently featured. And look for Christopher Plummer playing the Obi-Won Kenobi part… and cashing a paycheck.
Is it worth watching? It depends on your frame of mind. if you are open to a cheesy movie that would make Kraft Foods go “too much!” then this is the film to you. If you want a stimulating cinematic experience, then… look elsewhere.
They don’t make them like this anymore. And I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.