Today, inspired by the Wikileaks story around the conflict in Afghanistan, Twitter was bombarded by a new meme, #wookieleaks (or, more properly, #wookieeleaks). Tweets that referred to the “declassified documents” of the Star Wars films. Being a good and proper geek, I had to join in. Here’s my posts (and yes, I did get carried away – I did start out in journalism, after all…)
- Some Empire officials companied of Imperial dress code, saying that grey, black and white was too harsh. “I’m an Autumn…”
- Claims of segregation of black stormtroopers from white stormtroopers unfounded, Empire officials say…
- Empire officials surprised, thought “the Force was with THEM…”
- Exhaust port manufacturer also produced shield generators used on Endor, officials say.
- Senior Empire officials complained about Darth Vader getting his own theme, leaving them without any background music.
- Industrial designers accused of putting “way too many deep trenches and no guard rails” in Death Star.
- Reports claim that Princess Leia was tortured by Darth Vader by putting her in the “comfy chair.”
- Rumors of an “expanded universe” simply untrue, officials say.
- Princess Leia’s debriefers chucked when she said she told Han “You came in that? You must be braver than I thought.”
- There are numerous reports of stormtoopers abandoning their posts, especially when distracted by slight innocuous noises.
- Stormtrooper armor manufacturer produced helmets that limit visibility, making troopers shoot blindly, hit their head on doors
- Documentary “Loose Empire” claims the destruction of the Death Star was an inside job to inflame anti-Rebel sentiment.
- Empire techs never fixed manufacturing defect in Darth Vader’s breathing apparatus, because, “He sounded so badass.”
- Declassified documents note that Empire officials “analyzed their attack, and there was a danger” before Death Star destroyed.
- Stormtrooper armor manufacturer produced helmets that limit visibility, making troopers shoot blindly, hit their head on doors.
- Nerf herders files defamation suit against Princess Leia.
- Exhaust Port manufacturer implicated in Death Star explosion. CEO blames third-party contracting firm for design flaw.