I’ve had some interesting moments in my life recently. I’ve seen some people make decisions with what they want to do with that I was quite impressed with, and I’ve also done some things that I didn’t think I was capable of doing.
You know that moment in the Godfather when Michael Corleone lights the cigarette of the baker’s son after they had just scared/bluffed off the assassins intent on killing the Don? Michael’s hands were steady and sure while the other man struggled to hold the cigarette. Michael was surprised at his calm in that circumstance… and I’ve had several such moments of late. Moments that I would have handled much differently (and a lot worse) a few months ago.
I’ve also done some incredibly stupid things of late, moments that ended up troubling and hurting some wonderful people. I feel really bad about that, and I’ve also gained enough self-awareness to know that I can course-correct that bad behavior (and I’m also blessed to have a colleague comfortable enough with be to tell me what I was doing). I did not have the ability to reflect and course-correct like that a year ago. I’m learning. Getting better.
I’ve often said to friends that the day you stop learning is the day you start dying, and I mean it. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint.
So, why am I brining all this up, except to “get it all out” and to do what writers do… capture such moments and thoughts as they come? I do have a point. All of this – paying attention how people have adapted and grown and changed and seeing that reflected in what I have done… well, it’s giving me insight into the human condition, into myself. Desires, motivations, needs, goals… a deeper understanding of all these things makes me a better designer, a better creator, a better person. Anyone in a creative endeavor would be well advised to increase such understanding.
Part of my journey of late is I have revisited the classics, particularly Shakespeare. “To thine own self be true” is how Polonius completed his advice to Laertes in Hamlet, and as I make some of the decisions in my life I keep going back to that… almost as a personal mission statement. And I need to care more – we all do. We ask each other “How are you doing?” in casual conversation, but it’s a trope – we really don’t care most of the time when the words escape our mouths. It’s a social convention. We should ask it more often, and in a way that is genuine. To ourselves and each other.
Another question that we should ask more often is “What do you need?” and ask it in a true way… and be ready to help each other and ourselves get what we need. I asked a friend that question a week ago and they were genuine in their response. “I need to be loved,” the person replied, and I knew exactly what they meant.
What do I need? For a while, I needed the respect and love of my father… which I never got. He’s in a box now, so I obviously can’t get that anymore. Now, I need to appreciate more what I have and stop chasing other things… stop trying to prove myself to ghosts. I need to simply be and be happy with that. To be still. It’s really hard.
So, in summary: I ask anyone reading this… ask yourselves: do you know what you need? Are you in a job or lifestyle that really satisfies that need? Are you chasing invisible brass rings? Are you loving what you do every day? Are you appreciating… well, yourself? What are you working for? What mark and memories do you want to leave on this earth before you aren’t here anymore?
Hard questions. Questions worth asking.