December 2007

Picked up from the wire (AKA Gizmodo)

SANTA’S FACTORY, North Pole (Agencies) – An Imperial Stormtrooper commando broke into Santa’s Factory in the North Pole yesterday evening, killing an undetermined number of elves, arresting the owner and confiscating his sled. Joe Kwazansky, local spokesman for the Evil Galactic Empire in Los Angeles, appeared in a press conference this morning confirming the rumors of an Imperial takeover of Christmas’ celebrations. “The Emperor wants to assure His subjects that Xmas will continue as planned. The pug-nosed fatso, however, will pay for his crimes,” Mr. Kwazansky said amidst the palpable shock in the press corps. Apparently, the arrest has occurred in connection with earlier reports on the manufacturing and stealth placement of Weapons of Mass Destruction:

Answering questions about the causes of this assault and Santa Claus’ detention, Mr. Kwazansky pointed out that Imperial Intelligence had undeniable proof of Santa’s production of WMDs at his factory located near the North Pole. “He is also a perv, you know,” he added, “a guy who goes around his house clad in red velvet and has underaged boys assisting him all day long. Illegal sex? Forced labor? You gotta be kidding. We have the patent on forced labor too. Ask the wookies.”

Later in the press conference, Mr. Kwazansky, 48 years old and still living with his parents, revealed that Santa may have been stealing industrial secrets from Imperial-exclusive defense contractor Sienar Fleet Systems. “And what’s with the bloody flying reindeers anyway?” he said, “how the Force do they fly? I bet they have Twin Ion Engines up their butts. That’s classified technology, people. Fatso is finishing his days in the Great Pit of Carkoon, I tell you.” The spokesperson left the stage laughing maniacally, muttering something about how Santa was going to suffer for all those years of coal back at the Imperial Orphanage.

Commenting on the strike, UN’s North Pole representative Kalle Jugercømmandersson said that “we don’t understand this act of unprovoked agression. The North Pole has been weapons-free since 1959, when Timmy the Polar Bear was killed by a drunk seal using a 38.” Then, he started sobbing, crying “and we are not little boys! We are little grown men!” out loud.

Lord Darth Vader was unavailable to comment at the time of this report.

(Photo of Santa being taken to an Imperial Shuttle””or something like that””courtesy of Michael Sibbernsen

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Christmas has come early for yours truly. This set is fantastic. It contains all 106 episodes, extras on every season set (including over an HOUR of McCallum and Vaughn talking and playing off each other!), and over five hours of bonus features on two additional DVDs. Was it worth the $200+ dollars? Oh, yes indeed it was (and is).

Is it perfect? No. I’d have loved to have seen all four movies in the set (edited together from episodes – we only get one here) and I’d have appreciated getting the reunion movie from ’83 here as well. And, of course, even though I have only a mild interest, the completist in me would love to have seen all the Girl from U.N.C.L.E. episodes included in this set. But these are minor complaints.

I’ve already told the wife to erase everything I have on the Tivo I have not yet watched, because now that I have this (and my soon to arrive Blade Runner 5-disc HD-DVD set) I’ll be occupied for some time.

Thank you, Time-Life home video. Thank you.

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This past week, as I was freezing my hindquarters off on a business trip to Columbus, Ohio, I was able to catch the HBO documentary on Don Rickles Mr. Warmth. It’s quite good, and, seeing as it’s directed by John Landis, I’m not surprised (though one wonders if Rickles made a Vic Morrow joke when he and Landis first met to plan this – no, I don’t wonder, I’m sure he did).

Mark Evanier liked it as much as I did, and seeing as he’s seen Rickles live a couple of times, has an interesting take on Rickles’ career. Read it here.

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